i know i shouldn't do it, but at least i know why i do

the weekend is a complex concoction of being happy and peaceful that i don't have to work, and the horrible reality that the weekend is much too short for me to recover from my work week. i adore Saturday mornings because i can sleep. it's the one day that i don't need to use an alarm, and i'm actually finding i'm quite selfish about that fact. i am not sure what exactly would make me give up my sleep in day. i'm sure something would, but at this moment in time, it eludes me.

i spend my Saturdays in a wonderful blend of tidying up my home and staring at walls. sure, it sounds mundane and perhaps a bit odd, but i truly enjoy it, in fact i'd say i relish it. every single glorious moment of it. i like organization, i truly feel it unclutters your mind when your environment is uncluttered. also, i get an extreme sense of accomplishment from it, which i will admit my Monday-Friday does not provide in any way whatsoever. i like to look at it as nourishing myself. taking care of me. appreciating myself. caring for myself. as for staring at walls...well, that's just my "hey, my brain can finally complete a solid thought" time, so i use it wisely and soak it up like a little kid with an ice cream cone on a hot summer day. every sweet fraction of time.

on Friday and Saturday nights, i dive into documentaries, comedies, or books with wild abandon, staying up far past what my bedtime should really be. but y'know what? i really don't care. it's my time. the weekend is so incredibly fleeting to me and i just want to wallow about in enjoying every minute possible. i feel like i'm breaking rules in some way; this staying up late business. as though at some point someone is going to say, shouldn't you be heading to sleep now?? but i want to say, hey, i paid my dues...all...week...long. and if i want to laugh or think or read then by golly i'm gonna!

it just feels sooooooo good. like truly 'good'. y'know what i mean? like as good as it gets kind of good. like it's all about me and i'm loving it and hell, it's about time.