the weekend is a complex concoction of being happy and peaceful that i don't have to work, and the horrible reality that the weekend is much too short for me to recover from my work week. i adore Saturday mornings because i can sleep. it's the one day that i don't need to use an alarm, and i'm actually finding i'm quite selfish about that fact. i am not sure what exactly would make me give up my sleep in day. i'm sure something would, but at this moment in time, it eludes me.
i spend my Saturdays in a wonderful blend of tidying up my home and staring at walls. sure, it sounds mundane and perhaps a bit odd, but i truly enjoy it, in fact i'd say i relish it. every single glorious moment of it. i like organization, i truly feel it unclutters your mind when your environment is uncluttered. also, i get an extreme sense of accomplishment from it, which i will admit my Monday-Friday does not provide in any way whatsoever. i like to look at it as nourishing myself. taking care of me. appreciating myself. caring for myself. as for staring at walls...well, that's just my "hey, my brain can finally complete a solid thought" time, so i use it wisely and soak it up like a little kid with an ice cream cone on a hot summer day. every sweet fraction of time.
on Friday and Saturday nights, i dive into documentaries, comedies, or books with wild abandon, staying up far past what my bedtime should really be. but y'know what? i really don't care. it's my time. the weekend is so incredibly fleeting to me and i just want to wallow about in enjoying every minute possible. i feel like i'm breaking rules in some way; this staying up late business. as though at some point someone is going to say, shouldn't you be heading to sleep now?? but i want to say, hey, i paid my dues...all...week...long. and if i want to laugh or think or read then by golly i'm gonna!
it just feels sooooooo good. like truly 'good'. y'know what i mean? like as good as it gets kind of good. like it's all about me and i'm loving it and hell, it's about time.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Saturday, February 23, 2013
my secret happy place of hope
i have $72.80 in my Italy fund. now it may not seem impressive, but it's all comprised of spare change i've toss in a jar over the years, and considering i rarely have cash on me, it's something that i managed to ever have spare change at all. i like to think that i will fund my entire trip on spare change, just to show it can be done, but at the rate i'm going i don't think i'll get to Italy til i'm about 134 and the odds of me living that long are slim i suppose. at least i have more money saved than my age. i recall being around 33 and only having about $27. so having enough to actually pay for the cab ride to the airport is a start. i imagine it's enough to actually tip the driver as well.
why Italy you wonder? i'm not entirely sure. i love food and wine and well, it certainly seems like they have that down to a science. i saw some photos from there once and it seems quite lovely. i often try to learn a word in Italian now and then but honestly i never remember them for long (in which case i suppose i can't really call them "learned"). there's something magical about it to me, i just want to go there one day. i mean everyone wants to go somewhere one day, right? what kind of human would i be if i didn't have my dream vacation in my head? so Italy it is, and if i'm lucky, within a year i'll also save enough for the airline luggage fees too.
why Italy you wonder? i'm not entirely sure. i love food and wine and well, it certainly seems like they have that down to a science. i saw some photos from there once and it seems quite lovely. i often try to learn a word in Italian now and then but honestly i never remember them for long (in which case i suppose i can't really call them "learned"). there's something magical about it to me, i just want to go there one day. i mean everyone wants to go somewhere one day, right? what kind of human would i be if i didn't have my dream vacation in my head? so Italy it is, and if i'm lucky, within a year i'll also save enough for the airline luggage fees too.
Friday, February 22, 2013
i don't really care if you believe me or not...
but it really is all perspective. people take that lightly, like i'm some sort of flake. they can't see the forest through the trees when i say that. you sing your own song, you dance your own dance, you are truly the creator of your life. if you focus on negative things then you draw more negative things into your life. it's the law of attraction. it's simple, and even scientific (for those who think science is the way to go for beliefs).
if you focus on negative relationships, or lack of money or bills, bills, bills...that's what you'll get more of. your thoughts become words, your words become actions, it becomes your reality. you can manifest anything based on your mind. if you go around complaining (bitching, moaning...choose whatever word you like), about how you don't have any money, that is focusing on what you do NOT have, focusing on what you do not want...your perspective is on what you do not want...but your words become your reality. so if you say over and over you don't have it (in this case, money), then that is what you create...MORE of not having money. or if you say oh i don't want such and such in my relationship, then you actually create more of what you don't want. so see, it really IS all perspective. if you look at life instead in terms of what you do have, of what you do want, and visualize yourself having what you want and visualize how you will FEEL having it, the universe, which is comprised of energy (the stars, moon, ocean, us...all energy, all the SAME energy), cannot help but get to work on bringing it to you. this is why perspective is so utterly important, yet people seem to brush it off as if it's some silly, ridiculous, frou frou, mystic bullshit. but it's not. it's everything.
dreams are not only important to make sure you have a reason to get up every day and have something to shoot for...they're important because of the visualization of what you want. focusing on those things that you want most and imagining/visualizing yourself already having them will bring them to you. haven't you ever noticed that the more you focus on negative things, the more negative things seem to happen? i've been negative lately...and y'know what? the dishwasher broke, then my eye glasses broke, i was overcharged and therefore my bank account overdrawn. all in about a week's time. it was unreal. i had forgotten about being thankful for what i do have, forgot about focusing on the positive. forgot about drawing those things i want in my life to me.
it's all about gratitude and attitude. you have a choice. we all do. if you focus on what you want in a relationship, that is what you create in that relationship. if you visualize your success (whatever success means to you) that is what you will draw to yourself. i remember when i first moved out. i didn't even have furniture, much less money to pay bills or food, but i envisioned my place with furniture. i wasn't so specific on design, but i visualized a couch (oh, i'll get a couch and this is where it will go, and so on). within 2 weeks of moving out, i had a couch, and a table, and an entertainment center, a tv, a dresser for my boys, lamps, blankets, pots and pans, utensils. it happened. people came out of the woodwork so to speak and supplied me with what i requested, with what i visualized...and it can happen again. we have the capacity to create whatever we choose to create.
i believe it was Thomas Edison who said, "if we did everything we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves." he was absolutely right. it really is all perspective. choose gratitude, choose your attitude (make it a good one), and choose your life. choose it. because you can. you are more than capable and equipped to do this. try it. you can see for yourself. life is meant to be enjoyed, it is meant to be lived, you are meant to fall in love with yourself and your life. it's why you are here. you won't be disappointed.
if you focus on negative relationships, or lack of money or bills, bills, bills...that's what you'll get more of. your thoughts become words, your words become actions, it becomes your reality. you can manifest anything based on your mind. if you go around complaining (bitching, moaning...choose whatever word you like), about how you don't have any money, that is focusing on what you do NOT have, focusing on what you do not want...your perspective is on what you do not want...but your words become your reality. so if you say over and over you don't have it (in this case, money), then that is what you create...MORE of not having money. or if you say oh i don't want such and such in my relationship, then you actually create more of what you don't want. so see, it really IS all perspective. if you look at life instead in terms of what you do have, of what you do want, and visualize yourself having what you want and visualize how you will FEEL having it, the universe, which is comprised of energy (the stars, moon, ocean, us...all energy, all the SAME energy), cannot help but get to work on bringing it to you. this is why perspective is so utterly important, yet people seem to brush it off as if it's some silly, ridiculous, frou frou, mystic bullshit. but it's not. it's everything.
dreams are not only important to make sure you have a reason to get up every day and have something to shoot for...they're important because of the visualization of what you want. focusing on those things that you want most and imagining/visualizing yourself already having them will bring them to you. haven't you ever noticed that the more you focus on negative things, the more negative things seem to happen? i've been negative lately...and y'know what? the dishwasher broke, then my eye glasses broke, i was overcharged and therefore my bank account overdrawn. all in about a week's time. it was unreal. i had forgotten about being thankful for what i do have, forgot about focusing on the positive. forgot about drawing those things i want in my life to me.
it's all about gratitude and attitude. you have a choice. we all do. if you focus on what you want in a relationship, that is what you create in that relationship. if you visualize your success (whatever success means to you) that is what you will draw to yourself. i remember when i first moved out. i didn't even have furniture, much less money to pay bills or food, but i envisioned my place with furniture. i wasn't so specific on design, but i visualized a couch (oh, i'll get a couch and this is where it will go, and so on). within 2 weeks of moving out, i had a couch, and a table, and an entertainment center, a tv, a dresser for my boys, lamps, blankets, pots and pans, utensils. it happened. people came out of the woodwork so to speak and supplied me with what i requested, with what i visualized...and it can happen again. we have the capacity to create whatever we choose to create.
i believe it was Thomas Edison who said, "if we did everything we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves." he was absolutely right. it really is all perspective. choose gratitude, choose your attitude (make it a good one), and choose your life. choose it. because you can. you are more than capable and equipped to do this. try it. you can see for yourself. life is meant to be enjoyed, it is meant to be lived, you are meant to fall in love with yourself and your life. it's why you are here. you won't be disappointed.
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