funny what you remember, isn't it?

today the snow is falling and it looks so peaceful and beautiful. snow...always makes me think of when Jesse was about 3 years old and it was snowing just as it is right now. he was looking up at the sky out the big picture window and i asked him what he was looking for...he replied, "snowman messages..." i must say, i haven't looked at snow the same way since. the way he looked, his face full of peace and wonder, the way he said the words he said, made me realize that there is certainly magic happening in this world all the time, we just need to pause and take notice. today, i will be sure to look for snowman messages.

ah, the power of the pen, and the word....

it must be something to be a critic. y'know, someone who reviews things, whether it's a book, or movie, or mmm, food. it could really make or break an item. if a critic says they don't like a movie, it bombs at the box office. if someone reviews a book, well...it really determines how much people will buy and read it. it amazes me. first it amazes me that people apparently aren't willing to figure it out on their own; gee, is it good, will i like it, i'm curious, and someone better tell me what opinion i should have because just don't know how to think for myself...and secondly, it amazes me, or rather disturbs me, that some joe shmoe off the street who may not be credible at all went all willy nilly on something brandishing a pen and paper and set out to crush someone else's creativity. maybe this person got "lucky" in landing the job and knows nothing about books, for instance. maybe all they did was get a B in Language Arts and decided oh what the hell there's a job for someone to review such-and-such on Monster.com, think i'll go for broke and apply and next thing you know, you're basing your decisions off this yahoo! how do you KNOW? you don't. and furthermore, i don't like shrimp...i've tried a variety of ways, but i just can't seem to get past the texture of it...so, do i convince the world around me that shrimp sucks? i mean, it's my opinion so isn't that what a "review" really is? a person's opinion? what really makes THEIR opinion worth listening to, and why should i decide where i'll go to eat, or what book i should read next, or what movie i should avoid based on their opinion? are you saying i can't think for myself? are you saying i'm too LAZY to think for myself? if they're so used to giving opinions on things, wouldn't it suck to be their friend? could you imagine the opinion they may have of you? do they critique everything always? well, i never! i think i'm insulted...no, really. i am.

an angel walked among us

two days ago, my uncle Art entered Heaven. i feel he was aptly named for he knew the art of beauty, the art of being humble, the art of kindness and seeing the good in everyone. he knew the art of compassion, the art of doing what's right, and the art of living as a fine example of what being human is all about. tomorrow he will be laid to rest, as they like to call it, aross from my mom. for years, I have gone to the cemetery to stop at my mother's grave and to browse about (if that's even a proper description, but i do like cemeteries, they're comforting to me in some way)and he already had his stone in place awaiting the end of the line day, or the jumping off date, or whatever you want to call it. i don't like to call it a death date because quite honestly, i don't believe we just stop when our bodies stop. i rather view it as pulling the cord on a city bus, a gentle ping-ping of a sound indicating that this is your stop and you want to get off. he's on the next phase of the journey. it saddens me that the world lost such a kind soul. there are so many who plod through life living seemingly miserable lives, but he saw joy, hope and love in everything. he never spoke a bad word about anyone (even my father, and if you knew stories about him, you'd wonder how he held his tongue about that man). he was a very good example of how one should treat others in this world, a person i strive to be, though i know i often fail. i am thankful i had such a fine role model and i am also thankful that i had the opportunity to visit him several times over the past month, and take note of odd little gestures of his, and memorize his little "oh well!' grin he'd give with a shrug of his shoulders. thankful that i was given the opportunity to tell him that i love him. after all, he was the best example of love i have known in this life, so it is fitting that i feel such happiness in being able to tell him of my love, and read some poetry aloud to him, and to make him laugh. he was a lovely man, and i am truly blessed to know that his blood is my blood. unlce Art...yes, his name suited him well; his life was the art of everything a person should strive to be in this lifetime. He was my dear uncle, a man I will always admire, and will greatly miss.

God knows what's best...

recently i took a hiking trip to the mountins, the Smokey Mountains this time. i believe God led me to those mountains. He needed me to be there to learn what i needed to learn about myself, about my path. All of my struggles and adversity and hardships are preparing me for lies ahead. it's not an easy path. i was so drawn to the paths when i was hiking; their shape, their obstacles, everything about them. He knew i needed to view the paths myself and have serenity so i would receive what he has been telling me. And so i would gain focus. Just like when i fell on the path the first time. my face hit the ground, i felt beat up, but in order to get to where i was going i had to get up and brush myself off and keep going. the second time i fell on rocks and ice. I was hurt actually pretty bad, my knee was screaming in pain. but i was literally on the side of a mountain. in order to get back down, i had to get up and keep moving. no one else would do it for me. i had to press on despite adveristy. this is my path. i have great work to do. God has specific plans for me and only i can do them. i have to stay focused and press onward no matter what. this is the only way to get to where i'm supposed to be. the paths literally mirroed my path in life. some parts may be easier, some will be steep and filled with obstacles, but if i am to reach where i need to be, i must move through them, past them, over them and press on. only i can do it, no one can do it for me. i must find a way to do it. anyway, it was quite the revelation for me. quite the experience. i am happy and blessed i was able to be in the place where i was and to be so tuned into what i needed to be focusing on. i am glad the lessons are still revealing themselves to me.

it's kind of pathetic but i really don't care...

for the past month i have been walking past the food collection table at church. we collect food for our "sister" congregation, a church we support in the inner city. anyway, my mouth starts watering because of all the food and i'm always so hungry, then i feel guilty because i want to take some of it. i'm hungry too i think, not that anyone in the congregation would ever assume one of their own is in the same boat as the people they collect for. anyway, i'm not complaining, i'm just sayin' is all, just sort of admitting this happens and those have been my thoughts about it. on a happy note, i'm glad ramen is only like $1.57 for a 6 pack...makes a somewhat tasty meal for cheap, so i can spend my money on real food for when my boys are with me.

oh yes, it really is up to you...

we all have choices. people, many times, will act like they don't. they will act like such-and-such a thing happened because of things outside their control, but that's not always the case. you can't change some things, but you can change yourself. you may not be able to change that your paycheck is too small, or the genes you were born with (definitely can't change that), cannot change where you are living sometimes, or what car you drive. you can change how you react to things, and who you choose to be. you can self-evaluate and decide who it is you allow in your life (oh, yes you can!),and what your character says about you, and if that is what you want to show to the world. those are choices. choose wisely.

in, out, up, down, it spins...

if i said i never met crazy before, i'd be lying. i was raised with crazy. crazy has been ridin' my ass my entire life and quite frankly, i've had enough. i'm ready for balance, and drama free days that allow me to breathe and just be. this...this is my highest vision. oh, and i will attain it. focus, my friends, focus. that's the key.

the first day of the rest of my life, a tad cliche but i don't give a damn....

it is a day for new things, new life, new writings, ponderings, and wanderings. it is a day to not just sit back and calmly pluck yesterday from my aura, but rather throw it off as though on fire. why? because this is a day to start from scratch, and we all know the best things in life (cookies, for example) are best made from scratch.